Beginning Tantra: A Perfect Kiss

©2010 Ramona K Silipo. All rights reserved

So, what makes the perfect kiss? As usual, everyone will have a different answer. However, my women friends and I have talked about it extensively over the years, and there are a few elements that seem to be what most of us want.

You see, (we agreed) the majority of men approach kissing as a means to an end;  an exercise they have to perform to get to the point. When he’s kissing you, he’s already working out the steps he has to take to get to his goal (orgasm, of course). He doesn’t look at kissing as an art, or even as a full experience in itself to be enjoyed as a distinct and sensual pleasure.

Some years ago, I was fortunate enough to know a guy who delivered what was, to me, the perfect kiss. When I told him that he was a “good kisser,” he wanted to know what I meant. At first I thought it was just his ego wanting strokes. But then I realized that he didn’t have a clue about how different he was from most men when it came to kissing. This man was different, and he actually wanted to know what, exactly, I meant.

So, anyway, I wrote down a few thoughts for The Best Kisser I’ve Ever Known.

To begin with, you were very gentle, probing rather than pressing or pushy. I could feel your urgency in your touch, but also the underlying desire to pay attention to my response, to what I needed. The way you held me was lovely, too… warm, warm hands pulling me closer to you, firm, strong, almost sure, but with just enough uncertainty about my response to endear you to me. The most charming thing was the almost shy approach, your tickling my palm with your fingers. It was ingenuous, sweet, a little shy, a little funny, and let me know absolutely clearly that you wanted to communicate with more than talk.

The kiss itself:  Your lips are great. You either have good lips or you don’t, and you do. For me, the revelation was the softness of it. The lips touching first, and then light kisses; then deeper. I have a gigantic aversion to men who stick their tongue down my throat the moment our mouths touch together. It shows a lack of subtlety, lack of sophistication. ;o)  More seriously, it puts me off because it’s a violent act, that immediate symbolic thrusting without any gentleness first. Even your deep kissing, your tongue in my mouth, was subtle and very sensual without being just a stop on the way to f*cking. You enjoyed the kissing for what it was, in the moment, as I did. Just the right amount of inside lip, moistness, pressure… all in all, a perfect kissing experience.

Kissing as a distinct act is very Tantric.  One tantra master teaches that there are over a dozen ways of  Tantric kissing. In Tantra the mutuality of every act is the objective; each act is in and of itself to be experienced, noted, savoured and remembered. Tantric kissing can raise or lower the energy flow; it can open chakras, stimulate nadis; it can excite or calm; begin or end Tantric worship. Learning to enjoy kissing in the moment is essential to Tantric practice.

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