Letter to a Friend – Opening Heart and Soul with Tantra – Being with the Love of My Life
So much is happening these days, I can’t remember what I’ve shared with you already and what I haven’t yet.
I’s visit was like one long, deep meditation. We touch each other’s most secret, protected, wounded places and heal them even as we do simple things like taking a walk or eating junk food and watching sci-fi movies. Being with him is continuing revelation.
We have the most astonishing conversations as everyday chit-chat: the Kabbalistic Tree of Life, Druidry (he was a Druid priest for awhile), the Knights Templars, Stargate SG-1 (and other sci-fi, our mutual secret vice), which roses grow best in which climates, his daughter’s artistry, his son’s math wizardry, what colours we like best in a house. Everything comes up in seemingly unrelated threads, but, to us, it’s all connected in the depth of the connection between us.
The other night, we repeated in an instant message, that hilarious first act scene in Earnest, in which Gwendolyn says, “I feel it only fair to tell you that my answer will be yes.” This, because his dad (at seventy-nine) got married last weekend, and I was best man. He began to talk about what he wants our wedding to be like, and I said, “Well, I haven’t been asked, yet.” We get silly, sometimes, too.
Lovemaking is something else altogether. He’s been studying Tantric yoga with a teacher in London. I’ve always been interested in Tantra and read about it on and off for the last thirty years. We decided within days of meeting that we want to practice Tantra seriously. That first week we were together, we did, in fact, ask the Goddess/God to be with us in lovemaking. I wouldn’t have believed what a difference that simple intention can make in the qualities of lovemaking– a kind of fulfillment that is much more than physical satisfaction or emotional feel-good afterward.
I found a teacher and have been working with him for two or three hours about every two weeks. When I was here, we had two sessions together with the teacher. Even after only a few sessions, I am conscious of shifts in my thinking and emotions. It’s quite amazing. No talking, no dissecting every tiny detail of some past incident. Just breathing; deliberate, ritualized massage, chakra opening and connecting…. and blocks are shattered.
The breathing practices are the most astonishing to me. It is literally true that you can reach the pre-orgasmic plateau and hold it indefinitely by breathing in a particular pattern. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t experienced it myself. Apparently this is a common astonishment among people who are beginning to learn Tantra.
The key element in Tantra is what first spoke to and attracted me: In Tantra, the woman is served by the man. The feminine creative power is revered. Men and women are equal in the eyes of God/Goddess, but man’s role is to honour, protect, serve the woman. In the different lineages (oral tradition, which Tantra was until the nineteenth century) there is greater or lesser emphasis on this aspect, but in all, the feminine is highly valued and served by the masculine.
When I showed Hysterics* to I, the first words out of his mouth when it ended were, “I want to meet her.” One of his oldest, closest friends is a little (under five feet tall), pushy, highly intuitive, eighty-two-year-old lady. He’s known her since his Cambridge days and adores her. Besides his children, she was the only person in his life that I met during my first stay with him. That’s the thing about him: he loves women and does a lot to nurture his own feminine qualities. But then the boy stuff comes out in very funny, charming ways.
©2007, RK Silipo. All rights reserved.
*Links for the play, Hysterics, by Le Clanché du Rand: