Greyhound Gambols in the English Countryside

©2008, RK Silipo. All rights reserved.

28 November 2005 – Hertfordshire
Just a little while ago I got back from taking Joey along the river walk. We haven’t been for a while because icy ground and wet leaves are too slippery when it’s very cold out. Today it was warmer, so we walked in soggy leaves and mud. He loved it, of course. He sniffed every pile of squirrel poop in sight, and some that I think must have been river vole poop or some other smaller river creature. All the trees that had thousands of berries and brilliant red and yellow leaves just a week ago are now bare, and they were a bit sinister looking, with their bony limbs stretching up against the dusky sky. It is dark now, at 4:20.

30 November 2005
It’s bitterly cold again this morning, with frost so heavy it looks like a light snow, so we won’t have our river walk today. It’ll be a short brisk trot to the post box and back later. When it’s this cold, greyhounds are vulnerable to windburn and frostbite because their blood vessels in the ears and legs are so close to the skin surface with very little fur. He has his warm coat (from Land’s End, no less), so he doesn’t get cold in general, but the books say to keep greyhound indoors when the temperatures are cold, especially with windchill. Their ears, legs and feet are just too vulnerable to low temperatures.

14 June 2006 – Essex
Today it’s been darkly overcast all day, with blessed relief from the heat. It’s still muggy; the air is heavy with unshed rain. But it was cool enough to take Joey to the huge playing field (big enough for 3 soccer pitches) so he could run and run and run. He played a bit with a springer spaniel and with a sheep dog, then came panting back to me ready to saunter home. On the walk back, he was admired by the primary school children just walking home from the school in the next street. All in all, a successful walk.

7 March 2007 – Northamptonshire
It was spring yesterday, so I had a long walk in the cow pasture with Joey. This pasture is about two acres, plus other land that is marked off but not fenced. It is private land, but there are public footpaths crisscrossing it. These paths are ancient, and connected the small villages in the area long before there were any roads.

We met an eight-month-old Lab puppy, and Joey played with him for ages while I talked with his people. Joey ran with him almost to the bridge over the river, about 500 yards, I’d guess, and the puppy’s “mum” said, “Oh, he’s never been that far away from me.” She sent her husband off to retrieve the retriever.
I whistled for Joey and both dogs came running back. For once Joey actually came the first time I called. Anyway, he had quite a workout, and I had a nice, long, rambling walk in the spring light. Everything is sprouting now, with that brilliant golden-green that happens only in spring.

Today’s walk was much shorter, as the sky was threatening to open up again. We came home with cold westerly winds in our faces. Westerly winds usually bring rain here.

Violent Anger: Is it “in a Normal Range of Emotions?”

©2008, RK Silipo. All rights reserved.

Recently I happened to meet a psychiatrist who believes that violent anger and violent behaviour are  “in a normal range of emotions.” Her view was that people who do not lash out violently are actually somehow lacking in their range of emotional responses; that the absence of violence is abnormal. As usual in this kind of unexpected encounter, I thought of half a dozen things to say in reply afterward.

I’ve been thinking about it quite a lot since then. I’ve been thinking what an unlivable world we would live in, if what she says were true. People who lash out, hit and kick and stab and shoot and carry out countless angry violent acts would be acceptable. If her assertion were correct, it would be those of us who eschew violence, who try to find other ways of expressing and dissipating anger, who were considered odd, and the wanton bullies who were considered normal. I wonder, would murder be considered normal in this world?

I think she is wrong. I completely reject her premise. To me, any violence is an unacceptable way to express anger. Violence is not only physical, but also verbal and emotional. In fact, the latter are potentially more psychologically damaging, and often have longer-term and more debilitating effects than physical violence.

I felt this way long before I became a Quaker, and it is one of the reasons that Quakerism appealed to me. Quaker faith and practice have become the core of the way I choose to live. My husband isn’t a member of a Quaker meeting, but he learned Quaker ethics when he lived in Friends International Centre (London) while he was a student. In fact, even earlier, in his teens, he had learned the yogic ethical code and chosen to live by it. The yogic code holds the view that violence in any form, physical or otherwise, is proscribed. The Quaker Testimony is that we work to remove all occasion of violence, including anger. So my husband and I put these precepts into practice.

If you know anything about the Religious Society of Friends (doubtful in itself as we do not proselytize much), it would most likely be something about the Testimony of Peace. People generally understand this to be opposition to war. But it is much broader than that. It also encompasses more than the well known passive resistance taught and practiced by Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr. (although both were aware of Quaker thought and practice).

The Peace Testimony is an all-enveloping concept which imbues all aspects of ethical living. It means that we choose in daily life, in every instance, to try to avoid violence. Since Quakerism is a non creedal religion, individuals commit to various levels of living the testimonies, but virtually all Friends commit themselves to live the Peace Testimony.

So screaming matches, door slamming, threats, withdrawal of affection, the silent treatment and other fairly common acts of emotional/psychological manipulation and domestic violence are rare in Quaker homes. Quakers avoid confrontational behavior and instead try to make a habit of simply expressing anger, then moving on to ways to dissipate it.

Expressing anger, that is, saying outright, “This makes me angry,” and then letting go of it, is completely in the spirit of a non violent life choice. It is the way we try to handle anger. Of course we don’t always completely succeed, but neither do we commit frequent acts of violence–verbal, emotional or physical.

Several years ago I learned a method of dealing with anger called the Peace Empowerment Process© (PEP), including the Blueprint of Emotional Wisdom© and can now teach these techniques. This process reveals that anger is virtually always a mask or an outward manifestation of a deeper, hidden emotion. People learn the techniques to look under the anger and identify the underlying emotions: fear, disappointment, grief or guilt. By finding the true emotion and dealing with it, we remove the reason for the anger.

When the process is learned, it can become almost automatic in moments of anger. The PEP demonstrably reduced violence (including bullying) levels in classrooms where it was taught to children, especially ages nine to fourteen, but also through high school age. I practice the PEP whenever I need to deal with anger. (See Creativity in the Lion’s Den: Releasing Our Children from Violence, by Carolyna Marks, and go to www.wwfp.org for more details.)

I have also been interested in forgiveness studies for many years, and before I left  California I completed the intensive forgiveness seminars at Stanford University.  Dr. Fred Luskin, founder of Stanford’s Forgiveness Project, gave me permission to teach Forgive for Good© workshops in the UK.

The catch phrase for his seminars is  “Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past.” That is, we cannot change the past, and in order to move forward and grow emotionally, we must let go of it. His research shows that holding on to resentment, pain or anger is literally bad for physical as well as psychological and emotional health. (See www.learningtoforgive.com.)

My personal feeling is that anger is wasted energy; and stewing in anger, resentment or revenge fantasies only serves to make people unhappy.

Follow My Leader

Follow My Leader, by James B. Garfield, one of the best modern books for young readers, is back in print.

The story follows Jimmy Carter, a twelve-year-old baseball player who is suddenly blinded by a firecracker. We see Jimmy when the bandages are unwrapped from his eyes, and feel his anger and fear. We are with him on each step of his recovery from the injury, from the first visit by a social worker to his unprecedented trip to the guide dog school and his day-by-day training there. Ultimately, we are there when he encounters the boy who inadvertantly blinded him, and is able to forgive him and move on.

This book appeals to both boys and girls aged about ten to twelve or thirteen. Depending on reading ability, younger readers can also identify through the character of Jimmy’s kid sister, Carolyn. Parents of children with disabilities will recognize the challenges that Jimmy’s mother has to meet.

I read it when I was ten, and I was riveted by the process of Jimmy’s learning how to work with his guide dog, whom he names Leader. it’s a wonderful story of the relationship between dogs and humans.

I’ve reread the book a number of times over the years, and it holds up beautifully. It’s fascinating, funny, challenging and with a few elements just scary enough to appeal to kids’ need for peril in their stories.

The book is neither sentimental nor cold, and the relationships are drawn very realistically. I highly recommend this one as a book to get your kids away from the computer and television screens and get them interested in reading.

Atheist Quakers?

©2008, Ramona K. Silipo. All rights reserved.

A long-standing quandary within the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers), which seems to be more obvious lately, is a growing number of atheists attending meetings, with a frustrating exchange of thought between Friends who know God and Friends who do not. The very core of the Quaker religion has historically been the Experience of the Presence of God in our Meeting for Worship.

The form of worship is silence, with Friends sitting, usually in a circle, or on facing benches in older meeting houses, waiting for God’s inspiration to speak. Many, if not most, such Meetings for Worship pass entirely in silence. Sometimes a person or several persons stand(s) to give Spoken Ministry, but not always.

In programmed meetings, in which worship generally resembles a Protestant church service with singing, a sermon and spoken prayer, there is a period of silence during which Friends wait upon the Lord in the same manner as the traditional silent meeting.

Both of these forms of worship are based on the very fact of God’s existence, and our ability to hear the Word of God if we are open to do so. The core of Quaker faith has been this mystical experience.

However, more and more atheists and agnostics are finding their way to Friends’ meetings, and finding to their liking the Quaker non-judgmental approach to religion. These self-named “non-theists”do not seem to comprehend how their presence can disrupt the faithful silence of Friends’ worship. (And what is wrong with “atheist?” it’s a perfectly good, accurate word.) Faithful Friends often cannot fathom what the non-theist wants with a religious community that relies on the word of God. Frequently faithful Friends refrain from questioning the presence of non-theists because they don’t want to face conflict within the Meeting. (Avoidance of conflict is another issue among Quakers, but it is another, very large, topic.)

The following is a dialogue, culled from various discussions, edited and rewritten for continuity. In it I address key questions I have asked or would like to ask non-theists, and key thoughts non-theists have expressed. It should be obvious, but in case it isn’t, I am of the Friends who believe in God, have experienced God’s presence, and who wonder what the heck a person who doesn’t believe in God could possibly be doing in a Meeting for Worship that is waiting for God’s word.

Theist (T):
If God is so much more than we can perceive, and if we ask people about the nature of that God, it is likely that we will get the “blind men and the elephant” result. Maybe we all possess limited or restricted awareness, based on cultural issues or genetics or even upbringing. Those of us, for example, who did not enjoy a wonderful loving relationship with our fathers, are not likely to see God in that guise.

The “Quaker experience of God” is not the same experience for each person. And that is one of the wonders of God. S/he/It appears to each of us in a way that our understanding can take God in. The crucial phrase, though, is “IT IS THE EXPERIENCE OF GOD THAT INFORMS OUR PRAXIS.” Yes. The experience of God is at the center of Quaker worship.

Question (to non-theist):
Why did you come to the RELIGIOUS Society of Friends? What did/do you want from a religious community?

Non-Theist (NT): Initially, I came out of belief in God, the Creator. When, because of scientific evidence, I stopped believing in God, I found that I still liked the way of the Society of Friends, and wanted to continue with them. Also, you understand, it was not a sudden conversion but a waning of belief. There was no moment when what I did suddenly became incongruous with my beliefs.

(T) replies:
This happened to me. I was a devout Catholic, brought up in the Church, confirmed, a true believer in the Nicene Creed, which we recited every Sunday during Mass. But as I matured, I came to realize that I did not believe this part of the Creed, or, later, that part. And so on. I also did not follow some of Cannon Law. I did not consider it to have God’s authority, but men’s.

So my beliefs changed. I accepted only part of the Faith. Rather than remain in the Catholic Church and be a hypocrite, I left that religion and found another one that I could believe in.

Question (to NT):
Why does someone whose no longer believes in the core principles of the RSoF (or any religious organization) stay in that organization?

(NT) replies:
Fellowship with people like me, who have my attitudes of questing mind and acceptance of others who do not agree about everything, but respect each other’s honest thought. Who are interested in others and their understandings. Who are committed to Truth.

Question (to NT):
In Meeting for Worship, I wait upon the Lord (Jesus). But you don’t believe in Jesus, or, as far as I know, in any name of God. What, to you, is worship? What do you do during Meeting for Worship?

(NT) replies:
I do exactly what you do. Like you, I still my mind and turn inward to the Light. Unlike you, I see that Light as my own.

(T):
But I do not turn inward. I turn outward, to connect with my Meeting as a spiritual entity and to experience God as the source of our Unity in Spirit. I hold myself open to the Light, or the Spirit, of God. Turning inward is concerned with self and separateness. Turning outward is concerned with Spirit and connection. These are not the same actions or attitudes at all.

Question (to NT):
Worship is often defined as waiting upon the Lord or seeking the Light of the Spirit. How is it possible to do this if you do not believe in God?

(NT):
I do believe in Good. I like the story of the two wolves inside, one good, one bad, fighting. The one that wins is the one you feed. I believe that if I can turn away from the thoughts buzzing in my mind, to my core (if “heart” means a muscle pumping blood), that Core is the same good as your “Light”.

(T):
The wolf story is a Native American story, and I am familiar with it. But it doesn’t speak to my Concern here. If you think that your individual Light is the same as the Light of God, the logical extrapolation is not that you do not believe in God, but that you believe that you are God. I’ve of heard humanists accused of elevating humanity to god status, but not of non theists doing that.

Question (to NT):
What do you do during Meeting for Worship on the Occasion of Doing Business? Do you attend? Do you speak? How do you participate in a process of corporate decision making in which you do not believe (i.e. discerning God’s will)?

(NT):
Because my experience is the same as yours, finding a way will open. I (I claim the word) Worship, turn to the Good which is part of me, and seek the Good of the community.

(T):
But your experience is not the same as mine. I experience the presence of God and seek to discern God’s wisdom for the Life of the Meeting, and you do not experience the presence of God. My seeking does not go inward to my ego or personality or intellect, but outward toward God and ultimately toward Unity with my Quaker meeting community.

I do hope that some non theists can and do answer my questions fully themselves. I want to hear from people who really don’t believe in God, especially why they so much want to participate in a religious community. It made me very uncomfortable and made me feel completely two-faced attending Mass when I didn’t accept the same beliefs that the other people there did. No one else knew my thoughts; it was only my personal integrity at risk. I couldn’t stand the hypocrisy, so I left. It was the only honest thing to do.

Tantra: The Unique Teacher-Student Relationship

©2008, RK Silipo. All rights reserved.

Lately I’ve been meditating on the uniqueness of the teacher-student relationship in the Tantric tradition, and in India in general. A while ago, I visited with a friend, Jane*, whose husband, Jim*, has been a student of Ravi Shankar for about ten years. Jim is with Ravi as much as six hours a day, and they work together almost daily. Jane and Jim travel together with Ravi and his family, and they have been enveloped by Ravi’s extended family. There is a palpable warmth and a reverent sweetness in the mutual respect and caring among them all. Ravi is teaching Jim far more than sitar and Indian musical notation, and he is learning from Jim as well.

When Jane talked about the way they work together and relate to each other, it struck me that this is the very nature of the teacher-student relationship in Indian tradition; and that the mutuality of learning is completely different from the pedagogical tradition of western teachers. That eastern tradition of the direct, close teacher-student relationship is completely different from the type of lecture-audience setup we experience in our schools.

The literal meaning of the word, avatara, is descent. It is no physical climb down however, but rather akin to the teacher, who, when instructing small children, has to come down to the “level” of the child, hold his hand and teach him how to write the alphabet. This is the teacher’s avatara in front of the child.

A good guru [teacher] is one who first gets down to the level of his disciple’s ability or understanding and grants him knowledge accordingly. [Source unknown]

True teachers, those for whom teaching is their life’s vocation, embark on a path of leading with wisdom, compassion and energy; to draw the best from students and to help them to realize their own powers to love, care for and help both themselves and others.

I’ve been very blessed in the teacher to whom I’ve been guided. When I say, “My Teacher,” I encompass an entire, unique, mutually loving and teaching<=>learning relationship. I feel boundless connection to my teacher that flows from our mutual acceptance and respect for each other, and I felt the depth of our mutual reverence through my Tantric initiation. Our relationship is unique in my life, and we will always maintain it.

To embark upon the spiritual path of Tantra, you need to find a teacher whom you trust absolutely and who will work with you in the tradition of the knowledge being given directly from teacher to student. Finding a teacher is a daunting project; it took me more than a year to find the right one; and then when I moved to England, the search had to begin again for a teacher to work with my husband and me together. Again, it took a year to find the right teacher – which turned out to be teachers, a couple.

How do you know the right teacher when you meet him or her? You’ll know. You may need one or two sessions to be certain, but you will know when the connection is there and when the mutual honoring, respect and compassion that are the keys to this relationship are present.

*not their real names; names changed for privacy’s sake

Bridging In and Out

©2008, RK Silipo. All rights reserved.

Note to a friend:

Self sufficiency is selfish, in that it denies friends the opportunity to care for you. Independence is good, especially for women. But when we try to do everything for ourselves, we get too self-focused. Not only do we become preoccupied with our needs that are not being met, but we also shut people out by denying to them that we have a problem and need their help. Being a friend is a gift, but allowing someone to be a friend to you is an even bigger gift.

Friendship is never a burden if it’s true and deep. Sometimes it might be a test, or a difficult passage that friends get through together, but not a burden. I do know what your teacher means, though. It is very much a part of your insight right now that you need to be out in the world. Start with your friends, the people you know, and then fan out. Your friends love you no matter what, and will make a bridge for you into the wider world where people might not be so kind and caring. The thing about a bridge is that you can move across it in both directions– outward into the world, but also back across into the homeland with your friends. You can visit both sides anytime you want.

England: Moving to the Village

©2008 Ramona K. Silipo. All rights reserved.

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21 September – Harlow, but finally getting ready to move house
I’m furiously making lists of things to do and trying to get appointments with people to come to the new house to give quotes for jobs, looking up movers in the phone book to get quotes from them, etc. It’s always like this: wait, wait, wait, then suddenly everything has to happen at once. I am so looking forward to not having to move again, ever.

It’s supposed to get horrendously hot here today, into the 90s. “Unseasonable,” they say. I just noticed last night how early it’s getting dark already. Pitch dark by 7:30. Wow, that happened fast. Only a couple of weeks ago, it was full light at 6:30, as I was walking Joey in the evening. Now it’s dusk then. Autumn is almost here.

Oh, my, I hope we can get the fireplace changed back from that ugly gas heater monstrosity to a nice wood burning fireplace by winter! The little fireplace in the bedroom, however, has no hearth, so it will have to wait until next year, when we can get a fireplace expert and a mason in there to restore it. Or we could go for one of the new stone fires. The stones heat up and then radiate the heat out into the room. They don’t need a hearth. Oh, who knows? More than enough possibilities.

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22 September
I have appointments set up with a carpenter and an interior designer on the 30th, the first day we’ll be at the house. Moving right along.

It was hot, sunny and windy yesterday. Joey met a flirty girl Labrador on the way to the park and sniffed her thoroughly. She was delighted. Then in the park he bumped into one of his doggie pals and played for quite a while. His tongue was hanging out long and sloppy by the time we got home.

Today it’s cool and rainy outside, still a good stiff breeze but nothing like the gusts yesterday.

I began work yesterday on a Christmas story I plan to try to sell to this magazine called —–. It’s very old fashioned, incredibly sentimental and sappy, but it’s extremely popular. It’s a nice contrast to the infinite number of salacious gossip magazines on the racks. I can’t believe what trash people read here. The National Enquirer times about 50, and about 100% tackier.

Just e-mailed my architect and heard back from her. She’s going to meet us at the house on Friday October 6th and do a measured plan, and talk with us about what we want to do. She’s so good. I enjoy working with her so much. I really hope we can budget something really interesting for our addition, so she has something fun to work on. We want really simple, almost Shaker, style, but with gorgeous materials and good workmanship. Jenny (the architect) will tell us what is possible on our budget.

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1 October – about our first day in Woodford
We met yesterday with two carpenters, and they took a lot of measurements and will give us written quotes for various jobs we need done. They were young and personable, and very clear on what their talents are. I was impressed because they were very honest about the jobs they felt they could not do. Very unusual.

All the ugly wall-to-wall carpets are gone, so we asked these guys for a quote to refinish all the floors too. They look like they were painted a dark stain at some point, but were covered with the carpets for years.

The day was really beautiful, sunny and autumnal, with lots of breezes and that kind of watery bluish sunlight you get in the fall. We took Joey and he really enjoyed the new, big back yard. The kid next door, about ten I’d say, introduced himself as Jack, and he and Joey got to know each other across the fence. Then at about 4:00 the skies suddenly opened up, and it poured.

We drove to the Bedford station from the house, so Ewan would know the route. It’s about a half hour drive in pouring rain in Saturday traffic, so it will be about 20 minutes under normal 6:30-7:00 a.m. conditions. The parking lot is right at the station, so he won’t have to walk far in the weather, which is nice. It snows and ices here in winter, and it’s nice to have a short walk on a covered sidewalk. The train is an hour flat into town, so he will leave the house at the same time as he does now. Amazing the difference between the fast Intercity trains and the underground.

The interior designer couldn’t make it after all, so she’s coming on Friday. That will be a busy day, as Jenny (architect) will be there all afternoon, and we have a plumber coming at noon to give a quote on putting the shower in the bathroom. I also need to measure doors, to make sure all the appliances I want to buy will fit through. The carpenters are prepared to put in a new door if necessary!

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7 October – Woodford
We had a great day yesterday at the house, very productive. First the plumber came and looked at everything, and went off to do the quote.

Then Jenny arrived, and she spent four hours at the house. We went through every room, every nook and cranny, talking about the various possibilities in each room. Then she spent a couple of hours doing the minute measuring. Then we talked some more about the space and where we might put walls, etc. So she’s going to do some drawings for us of various possible floor plans, and then we’ll look at them and meet and talk again. So we’re on our way.

Jenny says that everything we want to do is within permitted development, so we won’t have to go through the tedious process of applying for planning permission and waiting for the ruling. That cuts at least eight weeks off of how long it’s going to take. But it already looks as though we’ll be camping out without a kitchen for Christmas. We can easily buy the refrigerator and plug it in, and cook in the microwave for a while. No problem there. Same for the washer and dryer. But placing the stove will require new gas plumbing. Ditto the dishwasher. And since we pretty much agreed we have to move some doors and walls, it is far better to get all the work done at the same time, in a specific order, rather than do it piecemeal. Ah, the joys of home ownership.

We took four dining room chairs with us so we’d have something to sit on, so we now have furniture in the house. And toilet paper, of course.

The holly tree in the garden is covered with berries. I hope they last until Christmas. There’s also a beautifully shaped fir tree in the back garden. I think I might put out food in it for the birds (and squirrles, of course) at Christmas.

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11 October
Jenny sent us four sketches of possible floor plans, and we’re peering at them, pondering and working out which one we think will work best. One option is to have our “bedroom suite” on the ground floor, with bedroom, dressing room, meditation room and bathroom all together. It would lead off the living room and look out over the back garden. Another option is to have our private areas upstairs and have the guest room suite downstairs. The kitchen is sort of a separate issue, but we will have all the wiring and plumbing roughed in at the same time. We’re looking at which option would give us the most room and most flexibility in terms of furniture, closets, etc.

The weather has been really bizarre. It’s rainy, as it always is by October. Rains almost every day. But the temperatures are in the 70sF. It’s very wierd. Global warming is so obvious here. The whole country is islands, with the weather directly affected by ocean currents. So the fact that the ocean is ten degrees warmer now than 100 years ago makes a big difference.

Watched part two of The Amazing Mrs. Partridge last night. The cast is fabulous: Janet McTeer (played Orlando in the movie), Geraldine James (Sarah in The Jewel in the Crown), Jane Horrocks (title character in Little Voice), and several other powerful women actors. Mrs. Partridge (Horrocks) has just been elected Prime Minister, and her first night at 10 Downing Street, she rings Tony Blair and asks him about the secret route out of the place so she can go somewhere and be ALONE for a few minutes

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12 October – Harlow
Ewan stayed home today. He had already signed up for annual leave, so we could go up to the house again. But we decided to wait until Saturday, since the kitchen designer can make it that day. She called last Saturday a couple of hours before the appointed time, and I could barely hear her. She had almost lost her voice. She had a serious chest infection that had spread to her sinuses. She was willing to come anyway, but I said, no, stay away from me, I can’t afford to catch anything now. Just as well, because she e-mailed day before yesterday that she had been on antibiotics for four days and nothing had happened; so they knew it was viral and very bad. Last night she e-mailed to say she was feeling like the worst had passed and she was getting her voice back, but could we wait until Saturday to meet. And I said yes, as long as she’s not coughing any more. I CANNOT get sick right now! So we have our meeting rescheduled for noon on Saturday.

Anyway, Ewan’s off today and got in four solid hours of reading for his law courses, and now he’s out fiddling with the car. Later we’ll take Joey for a long walk, as it’s the first sunny day since Sunday.

As I’ve been packing things, I’ve been going through stuff and eliminating clutter. I dumped old stuff I’ve kept for years (new pens, but they had all dried out, for instance) when I was packing up my desk drawers for the move. Next is the bathroom and my three (yes, three) chock full make up bags and two chock full travel bags. I want to get that down to one bag each. I don’t even wear makeup any more most of the time. I’m too allergic to 99% of it to wear it any more. I don’t know why I keep hanging on to it. So today I’m going to be ruthless, in spite of the pretty packaging and nice colours. I’ve also thrown out boxes and boxes of old papers (statements, bills, letters, clippings, etc.) and magazines, and even catalogues. Makes you feel righteous somehow. Good fung shui, anyway.

I’m going back and forth right now about the room layout for the house. On the one hand, I love the idea of having our bedroom and meditation room downstairs, with big windows looking out on to the garden. On the other hand, people are used to the bedrooms being upstairs, aren’t they? There are also the back, knee, hip, etc. considerations as we get older. We might need the bedroom downstairs someday. I suppose we could move furniture around at that point, but it seems easier to do it all in the first place. So we’ll see.

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18 October
Packers were here today and very quick and efficient. Tomorrow, loading the truck and unloading at the new place. It’s so exhausting, but in another couple of days. NO MORE MOVES! I can finally unpack those boxes I haven’t touched since I moved to England

Have been completely focussed on packing, labelling, decluttering, etc. And it did feel good to get rid of a lot of extraneous stuff.

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3 November – at home, finally, in Woodford
Well, we got hooked up to the internet, and then the screen died. So I had to wait three days for the new screen and am now racing through emails, paying bills (direct debits) and after finishing these tasks, will type up my specs for the electricians who will come to give me quotes on rewiring. I’m having a lot of other stuff done at the same time… new fixtures, outdoor lights (no porch light now), etc. Anyway, I have to get quotes for the rewiring and for a new boiler (furnace) for the heat and hot water.

There are huge fields here, with public footpaths, all around the village. The COUNTRY, complete with cowpats, is a one-minute walk away. Joey is having the time of his life on our walks. The first time we went to this pasture he started sniffing every single cowpat he saw. There are a lot of them. Anyway, after about a dozen or so, he figured out that they are all the same. So he ignores them now. We meet lots of other dogs on our walks, as everyone takes their dogs out to the pastures to run. The bonus is that you don’t have to pick up their poop–who’s going to notice it with all the cowpats? Anyway, the cows just sit and munch, and the dogs ignore them and they ignore the dogs.

Next door has two cats who enjoy sitting on the patio outside our glass sliding door and torturing Joey. One of them is a scruffy long hair of indecipherable lineage, possibly part Persian, who sits like a statue and stares at Joey endlessly. Joey wants to make friends, but of course the minute I move to open the door, they take off. I think I’ll plant some catnip in a corner of the garden for them.

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8 November
Am focusing on getting the study done first, as it’s the room with least need for major structural changes. Rewiring and new heating system need to come first, so that may cause delay, but things are at least moving now. But we’ll be eating out for Christmas.

Grey and overcast today, after several days of gorgeous autumn weather. It’s windy here all the time, sort of like San Francisco in late afternoon.

My washer and dryer arrived yesterday. Now I have to find an electrician to connect the dryer– you can’t just plug it in here; it had to be hard wired.

Ewan has the day off tomorrow. He plans to read for half the day, to catch up with the reading for his courses; and then we’ll do errands and some looking around one or another of the nearby villages or towns. We’re starting to get to know the area. He found the cheapest petrol station the other day. The other day I noticed the little demi-truck that comes in the mornings to deliver the milk. Very cute and 1930s-ish.

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11 November
I’ve been scouring the web and the magazines for companies that install built in cupboards (closets). We had someone here yesterday measuring and designing. But then it transpired that they only do plastic, that resin stuff where they put in all the wood chips and sawdust and mix it with poly vinyl resin, and it looks cheap and feels like plastic. They don’t do anything in real wood. So back to the drawing board.

I had asked when I called them to get an appointment if they use wood veneers or real wood and was told yes. Then the guy who was here to do the quote told us that “no one” uses real wood veneer any more. Well, today I found three different places that use wood veneers (plus one that uses all solid wood, way out of our price range). I hate being lied to. Anyway, I have appointments with two next week, one right after the other. So then we can make a decision. The plan is to have built in book cases with cupboard doors on the bottom half, plus a small wardrobe, in the study/guest room, and a built in linen closet with a little hanging space in the meditation room, and to have them done by a moderately priced company. Then we can splurge a bit on our bedroom, with a bit of real wood, and have a real cabinet maker do one really nice piece for the living room.

The other day when I was taking Joey to the pasture for his run, a neighbor said, “Hello, Joey,” and petted him like an old friend. Needless to say, I was surprised. Well, Joey got out one day last weekend, and wandered into this man’s front garden. Then I called, “Joey,” so the man very cleverly figured out the dog’s name. The next door neighbour girl, about seven years old, I’d guess, took a shine to Joey, and comes to the door to tell me when she sees him sneak out of the back yard. Anyway, the people here are friendly enough. Ewan says the chippy (fish and chips shop owner) in the High Street, about a two minute walk from here, is the local bush telegraph, full of gossip whenever Ewan goes there. I’m even thinking of joining the WI (Women’s Institute — remember the movie Calendar Girls?). Village life!

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14 November
Today I have two kitchen designers and another bedroom/study company coming to take a look. Yesterday, I had a bedroom/study guy. Tomorrow the structural engineer is coming to look at all the walls we want to take out, etc. and tell us whether we can. I’ve got to make a list today of what I want to ask him about so I don’t forget anything.

On Sunday we had Sunday Lunch (the big meal of the day) at a new restaurant in Thrapston, the small market town about three miles from us. Bad service. Ewan’s Yorkshire pudding was burned. But my food was quite good, and Ewan’s was good except for the burnt edge. I think the chef has taken on more than s/he can handle; and someone needs to do some serious training of the serving staff. But the ambience was gorgeous. It’s in an old church or possibly school hall, with high ceilings, carved timbers supporting a part-glass roof, so lots of light, and their colours were very peaceful and sophisticated. I’d sit and drink a coffee for hours there. We’ve tried one of the two village pubs here, and the food was pretty bad. The village pub doesn’t have a non smoking area, so we won’t go there.

The gardener came Saturday and trimmed the hedges, pruned up the holly tree and fir tree amd weeded and turned over the only area that is actually planted with something other than grass. It looks much better, but now all the cats in the neighbourhood have found a new, huge cat box.

The Queen opened here, and Her Majesty was reported to have thought that Helen Mirren did a good job. Now, THAT’S a good review!

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18 November
We ordered the built ins for the study/guest room and the meditation room today. We are getting lots of book shelves and a work station with file drawers, etc. for the study, plus a small wardrobe with a couple of feet of hanging space. In the mediation room will be the linen cupboard plus some hanging space. So we are getting organized, slowly.

We ate at a fabulous pub restaurant for lunch today: the Ax and Compass. It’s in another village just a few miles from here, and it is very, very nice. The food was excellent, the music not too loud, and no smoking. It’s been open a year, so they are still building up a clientele, so we assured her that we will be back again and again. They are having a silent auction to sell a local artist’s work tonight. There was one piece I really liked, but the last thing on the list is more art. We’ve got to do the house first. It’s like you have to buy the dress first, then get the earrings later.

Then we went to Focus (like Home Depot) to buy a new toilet seat. Our old one is plastic and it pinches your bum when you sit. Ewan hates it because it creaks like and old mattress when he sits down on it. So we sprung for a very nice solid pine number. I mean, if you can’t be comfortable when you’re answering nature’s call, when can you be?

It poured buckets yesterday so the pasture where we take Joey for walks was like a mud hole in places. I MUST get some walking shoes or hiking shoes or Wellington boots or something suitable for country places. I have sensible shoes with nice thick soles for city walking, but nothing with dig in soles. There were lots of dogs out at the same time we were today, so Ian and I just stood there and Joey ran around like a toddler on speed. He had a great time, though, so it was wonderful to watch him.

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6 December
What a week and a half!

The computer died the first day the electricians were here, a Friday, so we couldn’t even get it looked at until the following Tuesday a.m. Then the repair guy took it away with him until Thursday a.m. Then I had over 200 e-mails to catch up on. Then the internet went off for a while, possibly because of the high winds (60mph+). We have broadband that comes through the phone lines, so if a phone line goes down somewhere, we lose the broadband. But it’s back now. They never heard of burying the cables here. Well, maybe they bury them in new developments but not in small villages.

The electricians finished phase one today. A new circuit breaker box, new outlets and light switches in all the bedrooms + living/dining room, new ceiling fans in our bedroom and the living room, new light fixtures in dining room and bedrooms, and a motion sensor light out back. When we get the schedule for the kitchen to be installed, we will schedule them to come back to do that and the other outdoor lights + the workroom. They were very efficient and cleaned up at the end of every day. I was envious of their industrial type vacuum cleaner that even picks up water.

On Thursday, the carpenters are coming to put in one of those fold-down ladders to the attic and lay some plywood for storage up there. I will give them specs for more work, taking down a wall and replacing some doors, etc. which I hope they can do in January. After that, the kitchen at the end of February, our bedroom and the living/dining room as soon as possible after that, and the work room last. That will be sort of semi finished. I want to put some insulation in and possibly under-floor heat if the budget will allow that. But then I’ll get inexpensive shelving for it; and pick up some old chests. wardrobe, etc. –something along those lines– to fill in. For my work table, I already have a farmhouse table we got cheap when we lived in Kingston . Then after all the construction work, get plasterers and painters in to finish things up.

The garden is next. We’re going to do that in phases, so I’m getting a plan that can be done over three or so years. Once we have the plan we can do parts of it as we have the money to buy the plants.

Shelley Phillips, (http://www.barryandshelley.com/index.php?flash=yes) the only friend from the Conservatory with whom I’ve kept contact, was here overnight on Saturday and Sunday. She came in from Amsterdam, on her way to Ireland to re-join her husband, Barry. We had a very good, low key day, with a walk, in high winds, up the hill to see the views; and watching three movies on TV, plus talking, of course. She also got to do her laundry in my big American washer and dryer. I know what a treat that was! And of course she got to take a real shower. It was good to see her. Ewan had a lot of reading to do, so he was allowed to be anti social. And it worked out well, anyway, because we were talking about people he doesn’t know so he would have been bored.

We’ve had very warm weather. It’s been really windy for about five days now, with a few storms blowing through. But they are so fast moving, it pours for maybe three to four minutes then moves away. The wind is interfering with the trains, though, and, of course, air travel, so people are getting cranky about it. Still, it’s about 60F outside and very pleasant, even with gusting winds.

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9 December
Today we went to a Dickens Christmas Crafts Fayre. There was a woman there who does all natural dyes, selling silk and wool and cotton yards, threads, etc. She and her partner recently dyed all the fabrics for the costumes of the guides at Hampton Court Palace kitchens. They do tapestries, etc. for historic houses, too. He makes needles and pins using Victorian techniques. In his previous career, he was an engineer, but now he’s semi retired and goes around to schools, crafts shows and historic properties showing the old techniques for making needles and pins. He showed me how pin heads used to be made, with just a wire wrap at one end, called “two twist.” We also bought some delicious smelling soap made from honey and plants oils and some home made marmalade for Ewan’s breakfast toast.

Then we did the mundane shopping at the drug store and had a quick lunch at a small cafe. It was a nice afternoon. We were thinking of going to an outdoor market thing tonight, with hot cider and carol singing along with the crafts, etc. But we decided to stay in. This is the first day we’ve had really cold weather, and the wind is bad enough to hurt your ears.

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12 December
Plumbers here today. Horrendous noise as they empty the hot water tank, water storage tank in the attic, and radiators. They have this huge vacuum thing that makes a high pitch screeching sound.

Also fence guy here. Putting up a really nice fence in the back yard. Will no longer have to stand there and watch Joey like a hawk when he goes out. He’s been wandering into the yard next door, and that dog is not a nice dog. He’s very aggressive, and I’ve been very cautious about Joey going over there. Also, one night Ewan came in and said, “Is Joey with you?” I said he was in the back garden, and Ian said, “No, he’s up the road about four or five houses.” So now he’ll be fenced in.

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19 December
Today I met with the garden designer who is also a sculptor. She is fantastic. After we talked for a while, she did a quick sketch of the general idea of what she thought I want… and it was right on. I’m going to enjoy working with her.

The new boiler is installed and working, so we have heat and hot water galore. The new shower was put in today, so I get to shower and wash my hair tonight before bed.

I cut some holly branches the other day and put them in a pitcher. This is our Christmas tree this year. Next year, we’ll have people over!

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Quaker Spirituality and the Peace Testimony

Discussion point:

We know what we know not because well-meaning Friends bowdlerized and paraphrased and rearranged the 1660 document [the Religious Society of Friends, known as Quakers, was founded in the1650s-60s] but because it has been shown to us in our hearts.

I recognize this as a description of spiritual realization. It’s in a kind of phrasing my erstwhile Presbyterian (Later in life she took up Science of Mind) grandmother used. For her, heart and soul were virtually the same “place.” To say that something “has been shown to us in our hearts” is to speak of Divine Inspiration, perhaps even Revelation, and the soul’s intuitive open reception to a truth when it is presented. This knowledge, a certainty that does not need intellectualization, rationalization, examination or any other kind of interference from the ego– this knowledge happens in a moment of clarity and becomes part of our Self. It’s a spiritual certainty, not an intellectual acquisition of dry facts or a thought process about tangible evidence.

I was once in a gathering of several thousand people who had come to hear a respected and much loved teacher give a talk. Twenty minutes for questions and answers followed the formal presesntation.

The first person, a twenty-ish man, told a story about something that recently happened to him, ending with his question, “I’m not sure. Was that a spiritual experience?”

The teacher giggled (for which he was known, giggling, that is) and said, “Spirituality is like sex. You’ll know when you have it.” After the guffaws died down, the teacher said, “When you are fully conscious, when your spirit is fully aware, you will know, with a certainty. You will not have to ask.”

It seems to me that this is the kind of knowledge we are describing when we try to quantify or explain what happens in Meeting for Worship or Meeting for Worship on the Occasion of Doing Business, or any other Quaker gathering where we wait upon the Light.

Discussion point:

We all basically believe what we want to believe. We also tend to believe in those things that we think are the right things to believe in.

As I see it, we exercise our free will. We have choices in how we relate to the Divine Principle, the Absolute, or whatever you want to call “God.” Belief is individual and personal. What I believe, even within a group of “like minded” people, is going to be at least slightly different from what anyone else believes, because beliefs come at least partly from our experience and partly from our communication with whatever “God” we know.

Beliefs are very different from the kind of deep soul knowing of something “shown to us in our hearts.” I feel the latter is that certainty about which we do not have to ask.

Discussion point:

Probably, many Quakers throughout the last hundred years have taken great solace in the Peace Testimony quote because it relieves them of having to come to it themselves. The Testimony serves as creed and that had to have been its intent.

It is very unlikely that any Quaker has taken any solace in the peace testimony. Peace is not an easy principle to live by. Do people believe that it’s a lark, working for peace? It certainly isn’t easy or comfortable work. And nothing in Quakerism was intended to serve as a creed. Testimonies, advices and queries give us guidance based on previous experience, not canon law or the Apostle’s Creed.

Discussion point:

There is a tendancy to have a de facto political litmus test for entry to Quaker meetings that effectively bars entry to anyone who thinks they might be in favor of war or violence in certain circumstances.

This is a ridiculous assertion. I’ve met Quakers on both sides of the Atlantic who believe it was right to fight Hitler, as well as Quakers who were non combatants during WWII. In all the discussions of the peace testimony that I’ve heard, the conditions under which one might use violent means is a crucial point, and people speak in very real terms about self-defense, defending their children or another person, etc. I’ve observed that it’s a frequent and soul rending discussion among Quakers, most of whom admit they can’t know what they’d do without having to face a real situation.

A few relevant web sites:
http://www.learningtoforgive.com/
http://www.pathways-to-peace.com/presentation.html
www.wwfp.org/

http://www.soulforce.org/